Playing Hard To Get? Here's Why This Mating Strategy Could Actually Work

(Photo : Unsplash / Farsai Chaikulngamdee)

According to a study, the mating strategy of playing hard to get actually works.

Playing Hard to Get

It is normal for people to experience reciprocity of attraction, which involves liking people who like us. The principle could work well especially when a relationship starts because it is capable of reducing one's chances of getting rejected. Interestingly though, a study has discovered that adding difficulty to the chase comes with upsides.

As part of a 2020 study, researchers from the University of Rochester as well as the Interdisciplinary Center Herzliya in Israel looked into the impacts of playing hard to get, which is a mating strategy that adds a level of uncertainty. In the study, the researchers revealed that making the chase more difficult boosted the desirability of a potential mate.

The researchers discovered that reciprocating interest immediately could not be the smartest way to attract mates. Social psychologist Gurit Birnbaum, who is also an associate psychology professor from the IDC Herzliya, explains that people who are too easy to attract could come across as desperate. This, in turn, makes them seem less appealing and valuable compared to those who do not immediately show their interest clearly.

The researchers tested tactics in three connected studies. Participants of the study interacted with someone who they thought was an opposite-sex research participant. However, the person they interacted with was actually an inside member of the research team.

After this, the participants rated how hard they thought the person was to get. They also gauged their perceived mate value of the insider and their desire to have sexual engagements with the insider.

In the first study, participants had interactions with insiders whose online profiles showed that they were either easy to attract or hard to get. The authors found that participants who engaged with the more selective profile perceived the insider to be more valuable and desirable compared to the other one that was easy to attract.

In the second study, the authors examined efforts to pursue a possible partner and if these efforts could boost sexual interest. The researchers discovered that selectiveness and efforts invested made potential partners appear more valuable and sexually desirable compared to those who exerted minimal effort.

In the third study, interactions were more spontaneous and were coded for participants' efforts to see the insider once more. In this study, the researchers looked if being hard to get would boost not just perceived sexual desirability but also efforts exerted to see these persons again. The team found out that interacting with perceived hard-to-get prospective partners did not just boost mate value and desirability but also led to more concrete efforts to see the person again.

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Mating Strategy

Generally, the studies' overall findings indicate that a person who appears hard to get is associated with having a higher mate value. Findings also show that participants exert more effort and found higher sexual desirability on those that appeared hard to get. Participants also exerted more efforts to see those whom they have exerted efforts on before.

Playing hard to get is a common mate-attraction strategy. However, earlier research has remained unclear about whether or how this approach works. This is what this study aimed to shed light on. There are also those who feel uncertain about using the strategy with fears that it could end up backfiring and driving potential mates away ouf of fears of rejection.

Psychology professor Harry Reis, who is also a Dean's Professor at the University of Rochester, notes that this mating strategy may not apply to all. If playing hard to get gives off perceptions of arrogance or disinterest, it may end up backfiring.

To reconcile this, Birnbaum advises that initial interest could be shown in order to not make potential partners feel alienated. However, too much should not be revealed, adding that people end up desiring what they have less.

They advise to gradually build a connection with the potential partner. This would foster anticipation and excitement to know the other person more.

Overall, playing hard to get could work when potential partners feel like their efforts would eventually end in success.

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